You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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