I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
