69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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