i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
