I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
