if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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