I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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