you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
