is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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