cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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