hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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