The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
