I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
