All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The Olympian is in my bed
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