I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
