David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
