Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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