I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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