I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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