I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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