note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just invented taco cereal.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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