JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
