apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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