Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
