He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
