you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
