We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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