Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
