Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize