Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
