Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
