Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
