Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
