Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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