trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
