I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
