we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
