Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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