buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
