and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
