I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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