Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
