That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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