She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
