between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
