So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
