I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Randomize
