WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
