She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
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it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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