So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
