my mouth tastes like poor choices
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
