no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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