I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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