My room smells like vodka and shame
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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