1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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