You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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