I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize