Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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