If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
