This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
