How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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