Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
