"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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