Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
