you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?