do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying