I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
