I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(