She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...