I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event